A Little Satire
An Open Letter from Credit Card Company to American Consumers
Don't underestimate the impact your late payments made. Just 3% of credit card accounts are past due by 30 days or more each month. Yet income from penalty fees in our industry -- like the ones you paid in January, September, and November -- added up to a whopping $15 billion last year
You deserve a pat on the back for helping the industry reap an all-time high of $31 billion in annual fees, cash-advance fees, balance-transfer fees and merchant fees. Add that to the $80 billion in interest charges banks made last year, and you can see why we're partying. Bob in Consumer Care (he's the third guy from the left in the company conga line pictured on the front of this card) has promised even bigger things to come, including limits on teaser rates, higher charges for access checks, and over-limit charges. We hope that our best customers -- like you -- find these new features <http://www.fool.com/ccc/secrets/secrets04.htm> irresistible.
Since you've been so amenable to our fee increases in recent years (like a rock, you didn't even flinch when that late payment in 2003 canceled out your 9.9% teaser APR <http://www.fool.com/News/mft/2004/mft04102601.htm> or when we shortened your grace period to just 23 days!), we'd like to thank you for your patience and cooperation by giving you seven PlasticFantastic Convenience Cheques embossed with your initials. We're also upgrading your account to our prestigious Minque Card status, and giving you Fantastique Credit Insurance to try out for 30 days, absolutely free! As an added bonus we are offering our best tardy customers something extra special -- pay your bill late three consecutive months and we will name an employee's scholarship account in your honor!
Consider this our gift to you, and a personal "thank you" for making our jobs at PlasticFantastic Inc. more enjoyable.
Sincerely,
Julie
Customer Care Representative
PlasticFantastic Credit Inc.
